Electronics? NO!

   Call me a pseudo-luddite if you wish, but if I ever run a game again, NO ELECTRONICS AT THE TABLE!
   I don't need to compete for the attention of the players. If you're bored with the game, you should go home and surf on your laptop there, not at my game. I have noticed over the many years and many games, players that were just going through the motions because they thought they should. They weren't really interested. The only reason they were there was to be able to get into the hobby shop after hours. I won't play in hobby shops anymore, there is too much distraction there.
   I've seen players get up and wander around the store, bring books for other games back to table, and then expect me to rehash everything for them. I specifically told a group no electronics, and one of the players responded by setting up his laptop. That game lasted exactly one session.
   I'm a dedicated bibliophile. I like the smell of printed pages, I like the feel of paper between my fingers. Thanks to my parents for instilling in me a love of reading and books. I have a substantial library of regular, as well as, game books. On a variety of subjects. Not to mention the reams of paper in 3 ring binders. My home office is littered with composition books full of notes, story ideas, game ideas, odd ideas... Well you get the picture.
   Lets keep the video games and tabletop games separated thank you. Why do some players feel the need to lay out their characters on a 15 page spread sheet. It has to take forever to find anything. I think keeping your character sheet  in electronic format ruins your immersion. Our reliance on electronics, while making some aspects of our lives easier, have made the younger generations lack focus and concentration. They sit down at a table and expect to be entertained, instead of contributing to their own entertainment.
   The temptation is too great. Some of you will read this and just roll your eyes. That's fine, go ahead. Just don't come whining to me when you game dies because you're more interested in facebook, and the GM skips you. Don't call it multitasking either, that don't fly with me, humans cannot truly multitask. It not possible. Our brains are only capable of doing one thing at a time. yes we can switch activities very quickly, but we'll never multitask.
   Most of you have seen the meme of the kids all walking to the bus stop heads down, staring at their phones. The caption says it's the new zombie apocalypse, it's not far from thee truth. Disconnect people. Ever try going dark for just a weekend? Try it some time, it's enlightening.
   While not a very coherent rant, it is just something to think about. Limit your use of electronics on your games, and you might get a little deeper into character, you might enjoy it a little more.

Happy gaming!

Minions

   The advent of games like Savage Worlds, minions have transformed from a serious threat to a minor annoyance. The concept of minions still baffles me a little. The only thing I can think of, is they included popcorn minions in some of the newer games because of the whole “I wanna be awesome” trend currently going around the tabletop gaming community. To me this is a disappointing trend. No DM wants to run a game where players make an ineffectual character and still expect to “win”.

   I won’t go descend into a rant about that attitude… right now.

   Back on topic… 1^st edition AD&D didn’t really have minions, for good guys or bad guys. They had kobolds, goblins, giant ants. But the threat of dying, while picking on minor monsters was still there. If your dice are giving you the finger on that particular day, your 3^rd level M-U could very well be consigned to the fireplace of character death. I can’t say anything g about 2^nd edition (never played that one), but when 3^rd edition rolled around, the idea of minions was just starting to emerge. The Leadership feat introduced the rudimentary origins of the minion concept in the form of a PC sidekick. It wasn’t that the game got any harder, it was almost a good idea. Almost.

   I watched several players (mostly horrid players that had always been cheaters) twist the Leadership feat so that they were actually playing 2 characters that could overcome any challenge. Needless to say, I banned use of that feat in my games, for the PCs.

   I once designed a game once based around the seven deadly sins. Each sin had it’s own BBEG that controlled an area surrounding a volcano. The was a Herald that worked for the BBEGs, and travelled through all the areas, relaying orders, taking care of upstarts, and generally keeping an eye out for insurrection amongst the populace. This Herald was a Bard-Dirgsinger. He had several servants, all of which were formidable in their own right. Even the Sin’s standing army was comprised of at least 5^th level fighters. All of this was intended to challenge the PCs, which were of mid teens in level. In 3^rd ed. The magic levels were right around 9 to 14^th level. After the characters exceeded that, the DM had to start ramping up the CR level of encounters or risk the players becoming bored because they would just trample all opposition. Now some of the dedicated players reading this, probably won’t see anything wrong with an easy walk, but ask yourself this question… “Do you play to be challenged?” If you’re playing an RPG just so you can roll a d20 and kill the monster, even if you rolled a 2, why do you need a DM? Just go play Ultima or Everquest. Not everyone shares my views on RPGs, not everyone should. Play however you want. I just don’t think you’ll be playing in any game I’ve written. You probably wouldn’t enjoy it.

   I write adventures and campaigns that challenge you, not so you can get a participation ribbon. The idea of minions is exactly that. A participation ribbon. The 1 hit mook, is just a way for the DM to make the players feel like they’ve achieved something. When they haven’t even broken a sweat. Those PCs are gonna be really disappointed when they mow their way thru a couple of hundred minions, only to have the BBEG stomp them into meat mush. Because the DM may have set the minions on the party, but the BBEG has to present a challenge. The only way to present a challenge, is to make the BBEG at least equal to the PCs in power level.

   Not using minions does mean more work for the DM, but I personally don’t mind. Yes, it means more prep time. And if you’re trying to avoid lengthy prep times, then minions are an easy out. Yet another rant for another time…

   1^st edition gave certain classes the ability to attract a body of followers, but that’s what they were in our games… FOLLOWERS. You couldn’t send them in ahead of you, you had to lead from the front. Hence you were still running the risk and inspiring your followers. If you wanted something to go down the dark dungeon corridor, and spring all the traps ahead of you, you went and bought a flock of chickens. 1 cp each made that an easy solution. Maybe I’m old, and crotchety, and a curmudgeon, and just shouting at the wind. But my view of why to play an RPG is fairly antiquated. So be it!

   I’ve been working on a game for some twitter friends. This is to be played in Dealands Noir. I have been seriously considering using minions, but every time I see a potential use, it comes off as trite. I’ll keep trying, and maybe I’ll just have to let the GM drop them in wherever he feels they will benefit the story.

   The only real use of a minion I can think of is as alarm systems for the BBEGs. While the bulk of the cannon fodder holds the PCs attention. That one fleet footed lil bastard runs off down the hallway to get reinforcements. That’s legal, right? Imagine their faces when they finally get the Evil tyrant’s throne room, only to discover the Evil Tyrant has flown the coop. And taken his treasure and hostages with him. Maybe this minion thing has some merit after all…

   Ok, so maybe minions aren’t there for the BBEG. Maybe they’re to be used as the GM’s equalizer? Have I had an epiphany? Could be…

 

Did you notice an unusual amount of commas in this post? Whatev. Happy gaming!

ROLEPLAY OR DIE!

ROLEPLAY OR DIE!
One frustrated DM's manifesto.

No Munchkins, No Power Gamers, No MinMaxers, No PC Mechanics, No Rules Lawyers, Roleplay or Die!

There is only enough room in my game for one manipulator, that's me. You want to manipulate people into doing your will and dying for you, run your own game. If you are here to try and make your own agenda, don't sit at my table. If you are here to attempt to trip me up on the rules, don't sit at my table. If you here to try and start your own magic item collection, don't sit at my table. If you think I'm being unfair, remember that this is my game and I set the rules, if you don't like, don't sit at my table. The rules are guidelines, not set in stone, go get your law degree somewhere else, don't sit at my table. If your idea of a good time is to try and monopolize the DM's time because you're a whiney, needy, little pansy, don't sit at my table. If you think being a DM is easy and I should just roll with every ridiculous request because I am supposed to cater to you, think again. I do this because I want to, not because you want me to, or think I should. Try it sometime, and then come talk to me. If you think Chaotic Neutral is an excuse to do whatever you want, don't sit at my table. Don't try the excuse "I'm a free spirit" either, I ain't buyin it anymore. I am not here to mother you, I am not here to wipe your nose, I am not here to give over treasure and experience just because you want it. I am here to challenge you. I am not here to entertain you, this is a group effort, Roleplay or Die! If you find my game boring, try contributing to it instead of knocking it. Roleplay or Die! Sitting in the back of the party, using the excuse "I'm a support character", and being an experience sponge, won't fly with me anymore, don't even think for a second I don't know what you're doing, and oh yeah, don't sit at my table. Roleplay or Die! If you want to tell a story, start your own game. Don't sit at my table and try and hijack my game to tell your story. If you want a dungeon crawl, go play Neverwinter Nights, don't sit at my table. Roleplay or Die! If you want the rewards of a high level character, earn it, don't just expect it. You had better be able to give me a really convincing reason for you character concept, not just because you wanted that particular class ability, No level dipping. Roleplay or Die! Because it's cool, is not good enough anymore. Your idea of a "cool" character, makes no sense to me. If you want to play a Paladin, play a paladin, not a cleric/fighter. Roleplay or Die! Do try and remember you become the character, the character is not you. Don’t be Bob as a dwarf, be Dragos the Dwarven warrior! Roleplay or Die! This is not a competition, it is not a game you can win. Roleplay or Die! Trying to put one over on the DM, just proves how much you don’t get it. The system may steer you towards a Hack n Slash game, but only you can change that mindset, if you don’t choose to, don’t sit at my table. Roleplay or Die!

In defense of traps

I like traps. No, allow me to correct that. I love traps. I was Grimtooth in a previous life. Yes, I have all the Grimtooth's books, and I sleep with them under my pillow. Yes, I'm gushing and I don't care. Traps are a DM's best friend. Impartial killers, frequently used as a reward for uppity, nosey players.

I know players aren’t all that fond of traps, because they are the primary victims. Traps are how a DM racks up a respectable body count.

But seriously folks…

The best reason to use traps, is that Players hate them.

Usually I’m pro-players. I want them to make heroic choices. And reap the rewards. But something about traps, just makes me quiver inside. I probably enjoyed the hangdog expressions on players’ faces a wee bit too much when I would spring traps on them. Not something you will usually hear me admit. But I really do enjoy it when a character gets gakked due to a clever trap.

From the simplest poison needle traps to my personal favorite, the folding bridge trap. There are hundreds of ways to gakk PCs. I don’t usually condone the killing of PCs. But a dungeon full of traps is pure entertainment for the DM. As much as I’d like to see an entire dungeon full of nothing but traps, it wouldn’t be that much fun for the PCs. Gawd it’d be fun for the DM though, wouldn’t it? I’m still trying to come up with the trap that ends up with a PC, hanging by their ankles surrounded be hungry ghasts. I’m sure I’ll figure it one day, I’m just not there yet.

A good trap, sprung at the right time. Can add tension to a game. Plus there is the possibility to generate fear in otherwise unflappable PCs. If over-used, or if they’re too deadly, traps can be game killers, so be judicious in your use of traps. It just takes a little forethought and planning.

Why is the trap there? What is it’s primary purpose? These are the two questions I start with when placing traps in dungeons I design. Let’s start with my first, deadliest trap. The Heart Room. I’ve only ever had one PC survive this one. Throughout the PCs exploration of the Sphinx, they were hearing a loud intermittent boom. After fighting through to where they sure the secret of the sphinx was located the discovered the source of the booming noise. They opened the door to discover a 50’ x 50’ room, covered floor to ceiling in red slime. The slime makes trying to cross the room a treacherous proposition at best. Add to that hazard the fact the floor and ceiling of the room come together every 30 seconds producing an ear shattering BOOM! And you’ve got 20d6 damage to anything caught in the room. There is a door across the room, and just because I’m a nice guy, it’s even unlocked. Now, I could tell you how to solve the conundrum of how to cross the room… But where’s the fun in that? And to add insult to injury, there is a lip around the edge of the floor that will cut any rope thrown across the room and not retracted, when the floor and ceiling meet. BOOM! I’d like to take credit for creating this monstrosity, but I ran into it in a game. A long time ago, in a game far far away. I don’t remember the architect of the aforementioned PC death machine, his name is lost to antiquity. I would like to thank him however.

Now my favorite trap of all time is the Folding bridge trap. It’s in one of the Grimtooth’s books. This little gem starts with an iron bridge suspended across a wide chasm. When the PCs go to cross the bridge, they get to the center, and it folds up to create a cage around them, and the cage is now suspended above a deep chasm. I’ve been told that using this trap is proof that you hate your players. I disagree. You love your players, and want them to flourish. *insert maniacal laughter here* No, not really. You might actually hate your players. Of course, if you do, why are running a game? Of the three times I’ve used this trap, there has only been one fatality. A gnome fighter that blew a strength check while trying to climb out of the cage. (Sorry Carlos) He got cut in half when the cage slammed shut. To this day, whenever I use this trap, I leave the skeletal remains of the bottom half of a gnome in the middle of the bridge. Just think of it as a DM’s one liner.

Of course, traps don’t have to mechanical. They can be biological. Allow me to present the Gumby Ninja Kobold. This little joy is a homunculus disguised as a kobold. Imbued with a certain battery of protective spells that render it nigh indestructible (hence the Gumby moniker) It doesn’t attack the party directly, but rather it giggles loudly, thereby attracting any wandering monster in the vicinity. You guys remember wandering monsters right? This little guy IS proof you hate your players. I don’t use him often, and when I do, it’s mostly for comic relief or to get a party stuck in analysis paralysis moving again.

You should also give some thought to fake traps. Want to slow a party down? Put just one trip wire across a hallway. It doesn’t have to trigger anything, just has to make the party stop and try to disarm it. No punch line needed. Want to cause you PCs to stampede out of a dungeon? Put a poison needle trap on that chest, just don’t put any poison on it. Make it a spell instead. Geas is always fun, Magic Jar is also a fun choice. Chests, rooms and hallways are not the only things you can trap either. For some nifty fun, place a gilded chalice in a dungeon. Anyone who drinks from it, has this overwhelming urge to divest themselves of all wealth or magic items. The possibilities are endless.

Hopefully, you DM/GMs out there will rediscover the joy in a well placed trap. And I hope that in some small way, I helped with that. Now go out there and cause your players some grief.

 

Happy gaming!